Sunday, 23 April 2017

T is for Terrible Poetry. . . .

Well here we are again as I stumble towards Z is a confused and quietly unremarkable way. Still I will say that one good thing is that the arrival of the A to Z has had me think I must try and write a few new posts for the blog. But then all that making stuff including a somewhat odd summerhouse for the Shed of the Year competition means I am still very busy. I have already missed the entry closing date for this year, that is sometime in May but I will never be finished in time. I still have two towers to make and the interior to insulate and board out and then I need to paint it all both in and out.  

 Todays letter is T and so I have decided that T stands for terrible poetry, if there is one thing I am good at it is Totally Terrible Poetry so here is some for you to enjoy . . . or Not 

Terrible Poetry

I made myself a Viking mate
Out of branches and some planks of wood
He had a Viking helmet with horns and stuff
And looked really really really good
Then at night I left him outside the gates
Of a delivery company called Parcel Force
But in the morning he was gone
Because my wooden mate
As I'm sure you have guessed

Was a Trojan Norse

Which is why he’s gone of course

Like the horse

More Terrible poetry

I have not thought of any poetry TODAY
So I will have to try and amuse folk
In some other WAY
Like telling how I confused a chicken with a CANNONBALL
Which I bounced at it along the HALL
Or how I skied up a very steep HILL
Using jet powered skis
Made with my trusty
Electric DRILL
You see I am rather good at making STUFF
Although folk laugh and point
Because they say it is
Wonky and incredibly ROUGH
But when I'm wealthy
With my name in Bright LIGHTS
And have a posh dog that
Growls and BITES
Folk will not laugh at me THEN
As Fang the dog eats their HEN
I think it’s the one I threw the cannonball AT
The cannonball that accidently
Squashed the CAT
Yes OK squashing cats is a
Bad thing to DO
But then so is Flushing a tortoise
Down the LOO
No, no I didn’t do that
That was JIM
He says Tortoises are
A bit GRIM
And Now I appear to have lost the PLOT
As this poetry has things in it
It should NOT
So I better go as its getting DARK
And it is time to chase Owls about
In the PARK

And put Slugs in the JELLY
Its OK they are still alive I’m not that nasty

Please Note . . . . .
No animals were hurt in the writing of this Poetry
But I have finished Now SO

HAH HAH HAH HAH HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ha ha ha hah ah ah ha ha ha hah ah a ah ah ha hah ah ah hahha ha hha ha haha hah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Time to GO

Terrible Poetry that is more terrible than the previous 
Terrible Poetry 

The pitter patter of tiny FEET
Upon the cold, dark and wet scary STREET
Might be a Witch or a ZOM . . .BEEEEEE
Or the invisible man; who you never SEE
Or it might be a Werewolf who will loudly HOWL
Or something scarier on the PROWL
Or a Mummy from an Egyptian TOMB
Or the Great Winged Dragon of Ultimate DOOM
Or a tiny Goblin with a pointy KNIFE
Or that Count Dracula’s demonic bloodthirsty WIFE
Or it might be a Cat that is ten feet TALL
Or a Banshee with its terrible CALL
Or Uncle Jim drunk staggering home
Or a homemade monster made with bits of spare flesh and bone
Or a Ghost wearing steel toecap BOOTS
Or a Triffid scurrying on its horrible ROOTS
Or the Sandman carrying a Gladstone BAG
Or Rumblestilskin or a Psychotic HAG
Or a mad Goat that has eaten too much TOAST
Or the Haunted Hog that was once a ROAST
But one things for sure as you increase your PACE
Its cold clammy hand
Will wrap round your FACE
And its Vampire’s teeth will bite your NECK
If you try to turn just to CHECK
Surely you can’t be the victim of such an evil CURSE
Although it could be



  1. Have you thought of trying prose and entering the Bulwer Lytton competition for the worst first line of a novel? :) I did one year and had fun with it. And yes, I got the bit about the Trojan Norse - no need to explain!
    T Is For Harriet Tubman

    1. I am very good at worst first lines . . . followed by not very good other lines.

      Thank you for your visit.

  2. Thanks for making me laugh. Very creative! Find me here. LINK

  3. Haha, I read the first one and that looked like it must have been fun to write. Good job on the A to Z Challenge! Keep chugging along. :)

    Visiting from the A to Z Challenge. See My “T” post here:

  4. Your terrible poetry is absolutely awesome and I really enjoyed it. Please share more terrible poetry.

    Once Upon A Time

  5. Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I'm a much more terrible
    Poet than you ;-)