Friday, 31 July 2015

Almost True and Interesting Facts for Parties



The other day on Twitter an interesting idea was put forward which having nothing else in my mind I will put to the test. It was those chaps at ShrinkingShrimps (sorry SinkingShip) who are to blame, they happen to mention interesting facts and whether it mattered if they were real. Well this is a very good point and one that is ideally suited to the internet where truth and reality are sometimes a bit grey to say the least.

Therefore I thought maybe I should supply my trusty followers with some interesting facts that sound true which they can use at parties, and when quizzed about them they can turn round and say hand on heart . . . . . Well I read it on the internet from a reliable source. . . .  OK I’m sort of reliable. So I will now attempt to make up entirely plausible interesting facts that might or might not be real bearing in mind I am making them up as I go and have no plans to check anything.

OK here goes


Only 15% of all true facts published on the internet are in fact true


Elvis was afraid of toads

The European Swift never eats blue insects

The top surface area of all aeroplane wings is always 1.0754 times larger than the surface area of the bottom of the wing regardless of size or shape.

Putting the hard drive of your computer upside-down in your freezer for 12 hours will wipe all the data

Because Chinese text is based on images it is impossible to be dyslexic in Chinese.

The Russian Black Moth is the only Moth or butterfly in the world than can flap its wings at different speeds at the same time

Gold is the only precious metal that has been detected on another planet from here on Earth

Monkeys never share apples

Zero is the only number that has been mathematically proved not to exist.

The Empire State building is shrinking by half an inch a year and in theory will only be a third of its present height in 250,000 years time.

A humming bird can react 1000 times faster that a human to a sudden movement

The entire volume of water in the sea rotates round the world slowly once every twenty five years

If you pass a tiny electrical charge though the body of a dead spider within the first twenty four hours of dying it will spin a new web.

Up until 1923 all paper was slightly radioactive.

98% of all humans have legs that are slightly different lengths, this is due to the curvature and rotation of the Earth and is thought to be an evolutionary development to stop us going round in circles.




Well that’s it that is a short list of facts that may or may not be of interest . . . Why not try making up your own set of facts and then we can create Sillypedia the Oracle of all dodgy facts. . . . Hey that sounds like it’s an idea with legs but I'm lazy, and or Mad

Thursday, 30 July 2015

The Birthday of JK Rowling, cakes and Soap on a Rope



Tomorrow is (I think) the Birthday of JK Rowling, well that is good timing because my blog is in JK Rowling mode at present. Well me and Harry as you know have had our little ups and downs over the last couple of years, as the regular readers will know, OK if you are like me you will have forgotten. My brain is rubbish these days and that’s for sure. Anyway the point is Harry made it to the top and I sadly languish in the depths of obscurity laughed at by the masses for even attempting to write anything good or interesting. 

Of course the great success of Mr Harry Potter means that Mrs Rowling is a rather wealthy woman and it made me think that this must be a bit of a problem for her friends and family when it’s her birthday. Now me I am happy with an old raggedy jumper from the charity shop because I can bum about and folk will not shout at me when it is attacked by stuff. Oddly I have a problem wearing clothing because stuff leaps at me as I pass it, so mud, paint, oil, grease, dust, nails and many other things all go OOOOOooo look its Rob and then leap.  

But if you are rather wealthy then what do folk get you well its tricky because unless you are even more wealthy than the wealthy person who is having the birthday then buying something nice from Marks and Sparks or getting a voucher for a plant from the garden centre or even a new smart phone (I hate them and don’t have one or want one) is a futile exercise. So what do you do? Well you are left with doing something very personal that has no link to monetary worth.  So as I wander round the local village market in the morning catching up on news about things like the state of the raspberry harvest this year I would not be entirely surprised if somewhere in the UK a Mr Rowling is muttering while attempting to bake a cake. Although he might cheat and phone Harrods up, but I imagine JK Rowling will notice if he does that because the cake might be just a bit too good with its spun sugar decoration of Hagrid pirouetting and holding a seagull.

Actually I suspect the one thing she will not want is Harry Potter based presents, I mean just how many Harry Potter Soaps on a rope can one person look enthusiastically at and still sound pleased thanking all the fans who sent them. Mine is the one with the wooden leg and the Parrot on his shoulder going . . .  HAR HAR HAR . . . RON LAD ME OLD Wizardy PAL HAR HAR HAR . . .  with the light up eyes. 

Anyway as it’s entirely implausible that JK Rowling will ever read this, so wishing her a Happy Birthday is a silly thing to do. But I often do silly things (well so my family tell me) so.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY Miss JK I hope you have a nice day.




Wednesday, 29 July 2015

A Tale of Two Aardvarks or Let Them (and JK Rowling) Eat Cake


I have to say I am rather tired tonight (I'm old you know) having been here and there doing things so I have decided to post an older post from my Aardvark  period, as you know I'm presently in my JK Rowling period. Anyway I need to post some sort of post on the blog because I have discovered there is a critical number of blogs per month in order to keep up and increase the number of page views. . . .  So here is one of the less popular posts from the past I hope you enjoy it (a bit)


 . . . . . . . . . . . . . 


Once upon a time back when nights were nights (much as they are now?) there lived a large and noble Aardvark called Napoleon. He was an ambitious Aardvark with dreams of world domination and leading his army through Europe and over the Alps on the back of Elephants, yes Napoleon was also a little mad. However his dreams were thwarted by his army of aardvarks, as we can tell from the following extract from his autobiography written as he languished in a Zoo on Alba (sorry Elbow) many years later.

They were rubbish and ill disciplined  digGING holes in the parade ground looking for grubs and  not listening to a single command it was futile, they may have been good at making trenches but trench warfare was quite simply beyond their comprehension



Napoleon the Aardvark was a single minded beast and remained focused on his plans for world domination through his younger years, but he had a secret admirer a young Aardvark called Josephine. Josephine was an aristocratic Aardvark who lived a life of luxury and had rather expensive and unusual taste, particularly in what she ate. In fact she insisted in only eating cake, all kinds of cake from Victoria sandwich to coffee and walnut or fruit cakes to Apple upside down cake covered in cream and hundreds and thousands.

She would often try and gain the attention of Napoleon by taking various cakes to him at sunset and once even took a loaf of bread, a commodity of great rareness in those days. But it was to no avail, Napoleon the Aardvark was a man of few words and he would look down on the cake and say to Josephine in his gruff moody voice  . . . . . . .AH . .  NOT TERMITE JOSEPHINE . . . .

In the end Josephine got fed up with Napoleon and ran off with Lenin the Aardvark although it was not to last due to his rather austere outlook on life, but at the time folk were worried that Napoleon would be dead annoyed. But Napoleon was philosophical and told his friends  . . . LET LEN EAT CAKE   



HAH AH AH HA HAHah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah a ha ha hah ah ah ha ha ha hah ah.


OOOOooo its JK Rowling Birthday in a couple of days so Cake is Good in fact I plan to eat some in a bit covered in Cream. . . .YUM

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Poetry for a Cursed Child




My JK Rowling biased blog post poetry continues tonight with another terrible poem. I am much better at writing bad poetry than writing good poetry and it is always best to do what you are good at. Which in this case is being bad at writing poetry?

A Cursed Child
In a Cursed Land
Has a Terrible Terrible
Cursed Hand
That Scratches
Their Nose
In the Middle of the Night
And gives them such
A Terrible Fright
So they now
Tape their Fingers
To the Wardrobe Door
Which Means
They fall out of Bed
And onto the Bedroom Floor

Which does have one Advantage
It means
Now they tend not to
Snore


Much.

Monday, 27 July 2015

The Ogre and the Prince . . . A Fairytale.



Once upon a time there was a King and Queen who ruled over a huge kingdom with their young son the Prince. They were in fact a fairly typical fairytale royal family living in a big castle in the centre of their land where everyone lived happily.  The Prince was a quiet and timid chap who was a bit of a naturalist and would often venture in to Fromley Wood, it was called Fromley Wood but it was huge and in places looked like an impregnable forest.

Unknown to the King and Queen deep in the heart of the wood lived a family of Ogres, Bert an Emily and their daughter Jupiter Frimtormilly. Who tended to keep themselves to themselves as Bert and Emily were well aware that Ogres in general tended to get a tough time from humans. Then one day Bert and Emily decided to go off to see their old friend the giant who lived at the top of a huge Beanstalk, leaving young Jupiter Frimtormilly to look after the house for a few days.

Well on one particular day as Jupiter Frimtormilly was out exploring it just so happened that the Prince was out doing research on spiders and was studying what he thought was a new species (very exciting. . . No it is).  Suddenly the Prince heard the sound of something large behind him and as he turned he found himself being attacked by a huge ferocious Bear. Well he thought he was a goner for sure. But just as he was about to be eaten Jupiter Frimtormilly arrived at the scene and threw the bear into a tree and saved the Prince who was badly injured. She helped the Prince to the edge of the wood where some local villagers took him to the castle, where the Prince promptly clasped.

The King hearing of the Ogre thought that Jupiter Frimtormilly had attacked the Prince and left with his knights into Fromely Wood to rid it of all Ogres. The knights chased Jupiter Frimtormilly round and round the Wood and eventually cornered her in a huge Oak tree which they set fire too to kill her. 

On returning to the castle he then learnt of his terrible mistake when the Prince told him how Jupiter Frimtormilly had saved him. So he returned to the woods where he met Jupiter Frimtormilly’s parents who had just returned from visiting the giant.  Bert and Emily listened to the King and his knights as they explained of their mistake, and after some considerable thought decided the best thing to do was eat them all. . . . Which they did.

Surprisingly just as they were chewing the last leg of the last knight who should turn up but Jupiter Frimtormilly who had managed to leap to another tree to escape, she was not happy and wanted to know why they had not saved her anything to eat.  Jupiter Frimtormilly did think that she should go and explain to the Prince that her parents had also got the wrong end of what had happened and had sort of eaten everyone.

Amazingly back at the castle Jupiter Frimtormilly and the Prince (now the King) found they got on really well and after a short whirlwind romance got married and lived happily ever after.  The Queen forgave Bert and Emily and said that the King had always been a bit impetuous and anyway he snored really really loudly. She then ran off with one of the gardeners who she had been seeing in secret for a while, opening a flower shop in town


And that is the End I think? 

Sunday, 26 July 2015

The Truth about Conspiracy Theories



We live in a world that loves a good conspiracy theory, I know I do. And we all know of at least one that has done the rounds whether it is the assassination of JFK or the death of Princess Diana or other Royal Family based ones or those linked to Global Warming or the end of WW11 and so on and so on.  However we need to ask ourselves why there are so many and why many of them are known to so many people.  You see the general view by the powers that be is that conspiracy theories are started in general by nutters with a grudge again the system, and this is probably correct. But if so it does raise an interesting question.

You see I have put forward my own conspiracy theories about things like aliens and so on, on my blog and have mentioned them on twitter and they don’t go global. If it is the case most of these things are started up by folk with a grudge against the establishment how do they end up known to so many. . . . . Well I have a theory…

I mean if you wanted to hide a large tree, where would be the best place to hide it. Not in a large warehouse or under the stairs as it would stand out like a sore thumb and besides it would die. So the perfect place to hide it is in a wood or forest where it is one tree among thousands and almost impossible for anyone to find. Well this might very well be the truth behind so many conspiracy theories; the truth is that one of them is in fact the truth, but which one. You see the establishment and powers that be can hide what is a very plausible truth among the thousands of slightly strange but possible theories that are not true. It is therefore in the interest of governments and multinationals to encourage as many Conspiracies as possible that might just have some sort plausible truth within them in order to hide the truth.

So in short what I am saying is that I have a conspiracy theory that says all conspiracy theories are a conspiracy theory to hide the conspiracy theory that is the true one.

Of course the truth will never really be known because although we have the access to information act and official secrets are generally released after thirty years or longer. If I was in charge and I did not wish folk to find out I would ensure everything was shredded by folk who did not know what they were shredding. Making sure the shredded stuff was then dealt with by folk who did not have any link with the other lot.


If this blog suddenly vanishes you will know that I know too much. . . or not enough.  

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Poetry for JK Rowling



A Poem to celebrate JK Rowling and her remarkable Hedge. Well I am not one to let an opportunity pass by; particularly as I have a picture of a certain log based beast from my own mancky hedge many moons ago. 


A huge and mighty foreboding HEDGE
Looms up so high that no one can see over
Its top EDGE
Tales and rumour of secret magical worlds BEYOND
Have driven folk to desperately RESPOND
By pushing and poking
As they SEEK
Ways to see or just to get a tiny PEEK
But it’s all to no avail, it is an impregnable FORCE
Held together by wizards and magic of COURSE
But people still stare and WONDER
In a dreek Edinburgh listening to the rain and THUNDER
What strange and Fantastic Beasts they SAY
Scurry behind that Huge Hedge all DAY.
Is that the sound of Harry Potter or Hermione GRANGER?
Is Voldemort, head gardener?
Is there great DANGER
But the masses, they will never know
And as rain slowly runs down their SLEEVE
And they turn towards the town centre and take their LEAVE
Maybe returning some time next YEAR
To see if the huge and mighty
Foreboding Hedge



Is still HERE



The END   

Friday, 24 July 2015

HD85512b also known as Earth 2 or Super Earth and possible issues that may arise



Earlier today while busy doing stuff I was contemplating writing an interesting tale about HD85512b or Earth Two as it has become known in the press.  Humans have long been keen to meet aliens and the like and this is a great opportunity if it was just a bit closer.  But then I thought to myself even if we did meet them communication would be rubbish.  We sort of assume most of the time that because as humans we are clever it would all be easy and anyway if aliens get to Earth they would be super clever and work out what we were talking about.

Well there are two important points, the first of which is if we are so damn clever how come we have never managed to talk to other species on Planet Earth. All critters communicate using some sort of language (OK some of the tiny ones don’t).  Maybe it is possible that science has already achieved this but it is an official secret for rather logical reasons, I mean imagine how folk would feel about eating beef if the following conversation happened every time you went near a field of cows.

Oooooo hello rob what have you got there is it nice

Ah yes its a burger, they are rather popular

It looks interesting is it made of grass

No its a bun made of bread with fried onions, a bit of mustard and A meat burger

meat???

Well when I say meat I mean stuff

Stuff. . . . . What sort of stuff

Well mmmm sort of beef

WHAT

Well its only a bit of meat, a tiny bit really Look

AAAuuuuugghhhh that looks like Gertrude.

Gertrude no its just a burger I mean I would never eat Gertrude, well certainly not any important bits.

I don’t like you any more

Ah sorry about that Look I will only eat sheep

Bastard. . . . . . . 

Well as humans kill or eat almost everything that moves communicating with it would cause issues so it might well be that science and the powers that be have suppressed this.

Of course the second issue is if super intelligent aliens did turn up they would look upon us in the same way we look upon Cows and think hey these critters will make great burgers. Leading to the following conversation

You can not eat us . . . we are Humans

and very tasty you are too

No you don’t understand we are intelligent beings

Are you sure . . . you have not done much

Yes we have . . .  we have been to the moon

AH hah ahah ah ah ah a hahah ah ahah h a ha hah ah ahaha ha you are funny critters the moon is just up there I mean it is not exactly very far is it.

Well we have stuff like Mmmmmmmmmmmm toasters and bombs and love a good war

Well I think that sort of proves our point. that is just a waist of a good burger. Look I tell you what I will not eat the squishy bits I don’t like them anyway, you can keep them

WHAT

Now just hop into this liquidiser

Bastard



So despite the human desire to meet aliens, one would have to conclude that it would not end well.  Let’s face it if we manage to get to a planet in the future will we communicate with the life on it or eat it, particularly if it has four legs and is cow shaped.

Thursday, 23 July 2015

Poetry for Ice Cream





Folk all say it’s Granddads Fault
That Grandma was locked
In a deep underground Vault
But no one knows
It was really Me
Because I am not always nice
And a bit Sneak-He HE HE HE HE HE HE HE

Well they will not be telling me I can’t have ice cream again.


HAHAHHAH hah hah h ah ah ah ah ahha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ahha hha hahah 

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Navigating by the Stars to the Edge of the World



Swen the Swede was a navigator, a man of the sea and a trader back in long distant past.  He certainly knew his sky and it was said that on a clear night he could point to the horizon and tell you where every city in the world was from Swansea in Wales to Kychin in the exotic lands of China or Reckilainliania in Iceland.

However navigation was a fickle game and when the sky was cloudy it was instinct, the currents and the prevailing winds that sea farer's relied on to keep then heading in the right direction. These were the days when it was thought the world was flat and to sail too close to the edge would end in disaster and you would fall over the edge into a great oblivion.

This idea seemed foolhardy to Swen the Swede, he had travelled many thousands of miles to many lands trading many many things from fine silks to precious metals and axe heads made of bronze. He knew that a flat Earth was just not a realistic possibility it had to be some other shape that involved curves possibly even a sphere. These were thoughts he kept to himself it was not a good idea to talk of such things because the church were not keen, and had a habit of making you change your mind. They did not use reasoned argument either but a large device full of sharp pointy bits and chains, church folk back then were somewhat scary which is why they had larger congregations that in today’s modern more enlightened church. 

Ah yes I may be getting a bit distracted sorry about that

So Swen decided once and for all to head towards the edge in a perfectly straight line using his own invention. A device very similar to a modern sextant, but it was said to have a clever mechanic device added to it that could devise a fixed passion in time and space. A device which to this day has never been recreated. By accident you see Swen had invented the very first and possibly the last Quantum Mechanical Sextant, so if Earth was even remotely flat then Swen knew he would find the edge.

Being Vikings Swen and his Crew were frightened of nothing not even the edge of the world, so it was testament to their endeavour that three weeks after setting sail and in the black of a moonless night as Swen plotted his voyage that the sound of a wild roar could be heard in the distance. And as morning approached the ship found itself being dragged by a huge current towards the abyss of the end of the world where the sea vanished into nowhere. As the crew waited for what they thought would be their own end they were astonished to find that it sailed along the edge shaking and rattling against the huge force of the current. They did not know why but they hung on desperately to the ship as it shook.  Then the Sextant that Swen the Swede had invented toppled over the edge and into the great abyss never to be seen again. As it did so the edge of the sea rapidly vanished into the distance and the ship and the crew found themselves drifting in a flat calm sea.


They returned home and told the world of science and the church of what had happened but no one believed them and although Swen tried to remake his Quantum Mechanical Sextant he never succeeded and so was never able to find the edge of the world again. You see the world is round in our universe but is flat in the alternative Quantum universe and only a Quantum Mechanical Sextant can take you to the edge.  It was the paradox of different dimensions meeting that meant the ship could not fall over the edge but the Quantum Mechanical Sextant could and once there the link between the two worlds vanished.        

Monday, 20 July 2015

Poetry for Dogs . . . sort of




If you go for a walk in the park
Run around and loudly Bark
And poo on the grass
And wee on a tree
Will the police then arrest you
Or leave you be

It is a perplexing question, so I asked a policeman what he thought might happen and he said. . . . If I had a Pound for everyone that asked me that. . . . HAH AHHAH Hah ahah ahha hah ah ha ha hha ha haha



A Fantastic Beast
Swallowed my Friend
Who vanished
And went
Right round the Bend

Though its intestine
And then through its Gut
Arriving back later
With their eyes

Firmly SHUT.

Saturday, 18 July 2015

Poetry for Mariners



Out at Sea
Where Sailors Be
And Fishes
Leap and Dive
There is an Octopus
Who is very Large
And who’s known to All
As Clive

He lives in the Deep
Down Below
And is very seldom Seen
But should a Ship
Pass his Way
He will Pick
The sailor’s Bones
Quite Clean.

It might sound Bad
and very Sad
But he is a Monster
Of the Deep
So if you pass his Way
Then my Advice

Is do it Quietly

and don’t Disturb


His Day.


THE END




Can a sphere be flat
In a dimension
Man cant get at
I rather think that it can
So when giving a Nobel Prize to a Man.
A man who has written poetry of the Sea
Remember the Sphere theory

was thought of
By Me

Friday, 17 July 2015

The Mighty God of the Sky, A slice of Bread and a Huge Beast.



I was eating my evening meal, a quiche with fried potatoes and salad followed by raspberry crumble and double cream and looking out of the window. We have very large windows this house is the lightest house (as in light rather than not heavy) I have ever lived in.  And as I looked out over the horizon there appeared a huge dragon like beast with eyes and pointy teeth and wings. It was all blue and grey and huge I mean really huge filling a fair bit of the sky and getting bigger all the time. Anyway I got distracted by my food for a minute or two as I pondered which slice of bread to eat. 

Looking back out of the window I was then shocked to see the large beast with its pointy teeth and wings had vanished and the sky was now full of nothing but a big blue grey cloud drifting eastwards in a cloud like manner. . . . Well that was mighty odd indeed.

But it got me into thinking about stuff in the sky, we don’t really have the same link with the sky like our ancestors did going back in time. I mean it was how humans managed to navigate all over the world looking at the stars in the sky and watching the sun and stuff like that. And then going back at least 2000 to 3000 years plus ago humans would make huge great stone circles to celebrate the Sun arriving in the morning and then very conveniently vanishing in the evening so that folk could have a sleep. Yes these were the Suns glory days when it was treated like a God.  Although the Sun still goes round and round the Earth (Yes Yes I know Bloody science has ruined that theory well and proper) giving us a nice confidently length, twenty four hour day (Phew that is lucky) no one goes out and leaps about at it calling it a God. . . . . OK not entirely true there are folk who go and wave at the Sun but they are a bit of a mixed bunch to say the least.


Maybe a few more stone circles and chanting might just help the Sun regain its pride and show up in a bit more of a God like way, that would be much appreciated around here. 

Thursday, 16 July 2015

Why Pluto Killed Cyberspace and my Triumphant Return



It appears that all is not well in cyberspace, well when I say not well I mean I have lost the internet. OK if you are reading this then it means the internet has returned and all is well again. However if you are not reading this then it is possible that things are not working as they should.  Just imagine the world of cyberspace without me Rob Z Tobor it would not be the same. . . . If you are all having a party and talking about me behind my back I will not be pleased even if I don’t know about it because someone has nicked my broadband.

So here I am typing away in an optimistic way assuming that everything will be OK soon . . .  OK soonish, as its starting to get dark and all is still dead in the mystical world of cyberspace. It was OK until that satellite starting messing about around Pluto, maybe we humans have upset some sort of icy alien critter and they have decided it must be my fault. . . .  I can imagine some scientist saying. . . .  OOOOOoooo No you need to go and see that Rob Z Tobor he is always annoying aliens all the time. . . .  They say that because I have all these brilliant ideas and they are jealous, the world of science is full of jealousy and intrigue even if scientists insist they are all friends, which they are not.  
 
Anyway that’s it I am off now to phone a man who will probably be in an Indian call centre and who will tell me it must be the phone line in my house because BT equipment never goes wrong ever. And besides I am merely a member of the public and therefore an IDIOT.  Luckily I know that there is a house not far away using a BT hub and they also have had issues so they can’t blame me or an icy alien from the Planet Pluto either.  


It appears from the phone call with a disembodied mechanical voice on the phone that there is a major problem which will be fixed soon. . . . . . When I say soon I mean ages.

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

The Cursed Poetry of a Cursed Child and a Snake



Beware the Cursed Child
Playing with Snakes
Out in the Wild
Howling with the Banshees
In the Dead of Night
Stalking Folk
And a Vampires Bite

Beware their Manic Ways
As they Whisper Spells
In the Misty Haze
Running with the Witches
In darkest Woods with delight
Fearsome Looks
And a Vampires Bite

Beware their Pointy Nails
Scratching at your Doors
And the Eerie Wails
Howling with the Wild Wild Wolves
Somewhere In the dead of Night
Stalking Folk
With a Vampires Bite

Beware the Cursed Child
Beware their Cursed Day
And if you want to know how it ends
You will have to go and see
The JK Rowling Play

HAH AH hah ah ah ah ah ahah aha ha hahaha ha ha.


I know its my Cursed Poetry Again. 

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

The Strange World of IKEA



I have been in IKEA today it is an interesting place and one I have written about before, but it never fails to let me down as a strange world that allows humans to get as close to feeling like an ant as it is possible to get without being an ant.

OOOOOoooo that was odd ……. I have just heard a noise that sounded like a large wheelie bin  running out of control down a long hill which is a bit odd. . . .  But back to the day in the Ants nest (sorry IKEA).

They do like to herd you round the system with its labyrinth of twisty paths and helpful arrows projected onto the floor and conveniently placed small items of delight. Yes the small items of delight are in fact the bread and butter of IkEA profits as folk just love a bargain or two or three . . . O what the hell stick loads of them in the trolley.

The thing is there are folk, OK not many of them that will insist on going against the flow in a sort of rebellious manner shouting I am a Man not a Number. And this made me wonder if in an ants nest there are rebellious ants who go the wrong way and refuse to do their job, possibly hanging about in the bar saying stuff like . . . I will just finish this drink and theN I’m off to collect more leaves . . . Phew I got loads this morning and aM exhausted.  The Barman (Ant) shaking his head and raising his eyes to heaven.  OK IKEA does not have a bar but they do serve those Swedish meat balls so it’s a bit like ant food sort of in an odd way that most folk can relate too.


So did I weaken an buy any of the small items of delight as I wandered the paths twisting and turning towards the hub of IKEAS heart known to the masses as the checkouts . . . . . . . AH yes I got a small pad to draw stuff for the blog which cost a pound, three small cactus and something else. As well as the last couple of bits required to assemble the last unit in the kitchen. So I was lucky really some folk leave with several hundred pounds of stuff they never planned to get and can’t even pronounce the name of it. . . . 

Sunday, 12 July 2015

Circus Poetry and other things




Beth rides the wall of Death
On Her old 1950’s B.S.A
Then grabs a trapeze
To the Ooooo’s of the crowd
And majestically swings out of the way

Her dog still on her trusty bike
She knows he will never fall
Blindfolded and juggling flaming swords
And doing wheelies along the hall

But the Health and safety men
Are far from Happy
Demanding netting and Hard hats
And have told the dog he has to stop

Chasing large or Ginger cats.  

Thursday, 9 July 2015

A Simple Guide to the Greek financial Crisis. . .



It has been some time on my blog since I have discussed an important issue, so as we reach the end of the Greek financial Crisis (again). I think it is time for me to explain to everyone why the various leaders of the EU countries and Greece find themselves in the present situation. You see it has been ongoing for a long time and just when you think it will end the deadline moves a few months weeks and now days.

So how did this Crisis Happen

Well think of Greece joining the EU as a young student getting its first credit card.  You get a card and get to spend loads of money as long as at the end of the month you pay back a small sum. Well after a bit the bank lets you borrow more money because you have paid back the minimum payments for a few months.  You can then go off and spend more money and pay back a bit more. The bank now thinking it will make loads of money out of you in interest lets you have even more money which as a young student you spent (Yes its great). But after a while you end up owing more than you earn in over a year and the only way to pay it back is to borrow a bit more. This is fine until the bank says NO SORRY that is it you have really reached the limit for now, it then all goes horribly wrong because you have spent all the money and cant pay the bank or anything or anyone else either.  Well this is exactly what has happened to Greece they had a great time spending all the money but it has now all gone and gone wrong.

So why can’t they sort it out

Now you would think the top European bankers and leaders of the various countries in the EU would sort this out easily but there are a couple of major issues that none of them will admit. The first of these is Greece is Bankrupt and giving them a bit more money will only make it all worse in the future for everyone. Secondly the banks should never have lent all that money to them in the first place without checking that they were not having a party and spending the money on a good time.  The terms and conditions of being part of the Euro are quite strict but were I suspect not entirely stuck too by either side as both parties thought they were on to a good thing, Greece getting lots of money to spent and the banks convinced they would make loads of interest at the Greeks expense.

Neither party thinks it’s their fault and now expects the other side to sort it out but the truth is neither side can. They have to work together to solve things but it is likely they will just shout and wave fists.  Greece needs to leave the Euro Zone and the banks need to help a bit for them to do it. And in the long term Greece needs to repay the banks although it will be a long long time before that happens.

I think they need to talk to me but  they all think they know better and would call me an IDIOT. Folk do that. . . . .  I for one have never spent what I don’t have so get by OK but don’t have the latest Bling, This though is not the way of modern economies or banking.


All I will say is that it will not end well or quickly.

Sorry there were a few errors in spelling (again) so I hope it is better now and makes more sense.


OOOO the pic I will discuss the Creature from the Black Lagoon. . . Soon 

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

More Poetry about Stuff




The Rain Falls from the Sky
And the Sky is Rather High
And when it Falls on Our Heads
We End Up Wet Rather than Dry

The END

Monday, 6 July 2015

Pics and Poetry


No time to Draw stuff today so I give you a quick picture of progress in the kitchen and part of the new deck just outside the kitchen to prove I am a busy chap



OOOoooooo yes Note the woods you see they are real





Naa Naa Naa Naa Naa Naa Noo
I’m not a chicken
And neither are you

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tock
All hold your hands up
And pretend you’re a clock

Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Bong
HANG ON . . . . . . I’m not Australian
Something is wrong

Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie Bend
This poetry is rubbish
So this is


The END