Monday 13 October 2014

A Cautionary Tale of Knitting . . . A Repeat of Halloween 2013

It will be halloween again soon I think so I thought I would be lazy tonight and repeat last years Halloween story. Yes I know no one likes repeats but they do it on the TV all the time and get away with it so YA SUCKS BOO is what I say. Anyway I am thinking about writing a new Halloween Story for this year, although just at present the mind is a bit blank, it would be fun to kill off Harry Potter and his mates in some sort of terrible method . . . . . Nothing personal Harry with your multi million pound film franchise, Potter world and smug ways; while me the Eccentric Child of Cyberspace find myself trapped in the head of a grumpy old scruffy bloke who complains a lot.  

A Repeat of Halloween 2013 
A cautionary tale of Knitting 

Once upon a time, in a smallish town in the heart of the big forest lived a little old lady, she lived in a funny rickety house near the forest edge pottering about in her garden and knitting. She was a very quiet little old lady who wore a big black knitted witch’s hat. She would always smile at passers by say hello and then continue to potter about in her lovely quaint garden which was full of strange little knitted cats and dogs and crows and butterflies and all sorts of things which seemed to move about almost every day to a new spot in the garden.



But come the evening of Halloween each year she would put scary life-sized knitted children in her garden that would make odd little squeaks and whines and jiggle about. They were very very scary looking knitted children, so scary that none of the children in the town would go trick or treating at the little old ladies house because they were frightened of the scary looking knitted children that squeaked and jiggled all night long. Then in the morning as the sun rose, all the knitted children were put away again in a large shed with a big padlock at the bottom of her garden until Halloween the following year.  

Then one year a small group of children who were dressed up particularly scarily thought to themselves . . . . . .We are very very very scary, even more scary that the knitted scary children in the garden of the little old lady, so they decided that they would go and see her and shout TRICK OR TREAT. They knew she would be surprised and were hoping that their very very very scary costumes would frighten the little old lady and they would get a really good treat.

So as it got dark the children sneaked into the garden and up the path towards the front door past the knitted children who squealed and jiggled and made lots of strange little noises. Then as they were about to run off in fright the front door opened and the little old lady smiled and said OOOOOOOOOOO TRICK OR TREATERS . . . . . WOULD YOU LIKE A TREAT and the children all shouted YES. But to get their treat the children had to pull a long loose thread from the nose of each or the knitted children. As the children pulled and pulled the threads, the knitted children squealed and jiggled even more until they were just a huge pile of wool on the ground and the sound of the squeals vanished into the wind.  In the middle of each pile of wool however was a large box of candy sweets, the children cheered and ate them, but it made them feel very sleepy and before they knew it they were all snoring. 

  

The following morning as the sun rose the people of the town were out franticly hunting for a small group of children who had all vanished. This had happened in the past a long long long time ago apparently; once during a previous Halloween all those years ago a small group of children had all vanished never to be seen again, but it was so long ago it was now just an old fairy tale that folk would tell on Halloween.

As the towns people rushed about they stopped to ask the little old lady if she had seen the children, she shook her head pointing at the knitted children and said I AM JUST PUTTING MY KNITTED CHILDREN BACK IN MY SHED. The knitted children squealed and squeaked and jiggled at the town’s people, who thought they looked even more scary than normal and also strangely familiar, but they turned to continue their frantic hunt for their own children.


They searched and searched but no matter how hard they hunted they never found their children ever again. And as the little old lady put the knitted children into the shed she looked at their little eyes blinking with fear and smiled and said I DO LIKE A GOOD TRICK; before going back inside to sit and knit, and spend all day laughing hysterically with a slightly mad glint in her eye, while stroking a large knitted black cat that almost seemed to purr . . . . . . . 

7 comments:

  1. Ooh Mr Z, I missed this one. That must have been when my computer went on strike for almost a year.
    Deliciously gruesome and an excellent tip for keeping those 3ft werebeings (other people's rugrats) from knocking on my door this October. Now I won't need that crossbow.

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    1. Thanks Miss Lily . . . . I have written the 2014 story now where Harry Potter meets his end at the Hands of the Wicker Man. In fact every single Hogwarts wizard pupil meets a terrible end. . . . . I warned that Harry Potter I would take revenge one day, so come Halloween this year he will not be laughing, but I will.. . . . . . . . . . . . . .HA HAH AH HAhah aha haha haha haha ha hah ah h h ah ah ah ah hahahH AHAH AH AH AH AH HAH H HAH AH AHAH HAH AH AH AH HAH AHAH HAHAH AH H ahaha h ah ah a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha h ha hah ah h h ahah ahah ah aha haha ha ha ha ha ha

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  2. AHHHH The Ghost of Posts Past!
    People who knit in general are a bit terrifying to me. What is this magic that allows you to take yarn and sticks and craft a wearable top-tarp? Must be wizardry.

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    1. I agree . . . I did knit a scarf once, but knitting in a straight line is not too hard to do.

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  3. I have been away a long ways to New Mexico but now I am back. I think that makes me an Ex Now New Mex.

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    1. I think my favorite old thing that I wrote that pre-dates the blog world is my Christmas Letter from 1998. I published it as the first blog post in Blogger back in 2007.

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    2. I should try knotting someday. The rest of today is rest day, maybe. It matters how weLL I stay hidden.

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